Longhorn on a Flight
A Longhorn and a Sooner are sitting next to each other on a four engine jumbo jet and just as the plane takes off the Longhorn turns to the Sooner and says, "You know I've never been on a plane before, I'm a little nervous"

The plane takes off and about halfway through the flight, the captain comes on says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've had a little problem with one of our engines and we've had to shut it down, but don't worry; we still have three more engines and we'll just be delayed about fifteen minutes." The Longhorn squirms a little in his seat, but stays calm.

About five minutes later, the captain comes on again, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've lost another engine, but don't worry we'll just be delayed another fifteen minutes." Now the Longhorn is starting to sweat a little.

Ten minutes later, the captain, a little flustered, again comes on, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've lost our third engine, but don't worry we have one good engine left and we'll just be delayed another fifteen minutes." The Longhorn now is getting very upset.

Fifteen minutes later, the captain comes on again, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry to announce we've lost our fourth engine."

Calmly, the Longhorn turns to the Sooner and says, "Darn, at this rate we'll be up here all day!"

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Texas Longhorn.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Longhorns too. No one really knowing what a Texas Longhorn was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristin has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Longhorn."

Then, asks the teacher, what are you?

"Why, I'm a proud Texas Aggie," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.

She asks Kristin why she is a rebel.
"Well, my mom and dad are Aggies, so I'm an Aggie too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile.

"Then," says Kristin, "I'd be a Longhorn."

Longhorn Druggies Two Longhorns are sitting in an abandoned house on 6th Street shooting up drugs from the same needle. A man walks in and says, "What are you guys doing, aren't you afraid of AIDS?" The drugged up Longhorns replied, "No we're wearing condoms."

One day an Aggie, a Rice Owl, and a Longhorn were stranded on a desert island when they found a genie lamp. The genie said, "Run over the edge of the cliff and scream out an object. When you do, you will transform into that thing." The Aggie, always wanting to drive a stock-car, says "Race Car Driver", and lands in the cockpit and zooms off. The Owl ran and yelled, "Bird," and he flew off the side of the cliff. Then the Longhorn runs, trips over a rock and yells, "Oh Crap!!"

An Aggie student, a Rice Owl student, and a Longhorn student had all committed horrendous crimes and were going to be shot. The Aggie was brought up and blindfolded. The general shouted, "Ready ....... aim..." and the Aggie yelled, "Hurricane!!," everybody ducked, and he ran away free. Dismayed at losing their first prisoner, the guards brought up the Owl with renewed vengeance. They blindfolded him and the general commanded, "Ready......aim....." and the Owl shouted, "Tornado!!" and fearing for their lives, everybody ducked, and he ran away free. Well, the Longhorn student had been watching all this and started thinking, "They all yelled natural disasters and they got away, so I will too." So they brought him up and blinded folded him, the general shouted, "Ready ...... aim...." and the Longhorn screamed, "Fire!!"