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Why did the chicken cross the road? (To prove to the armadillo it could be
done.)
When LBJ died and went to heaven (that's how you know this is a joke) he
refused to go through the pearly gates until the boss came out and answered a
question.... The boss comes out. LBJ says: "I want to know one thing, and I want
to know it right now. Why wasn't Jesus Christ born a Texan? The world would have
been a much better place if Jesus Christ had been a Texan. God said (try this
with a yiddish accent): "Lyndon, Lyndon, Lyndon. What can I tell you? Texas was
our first choice. But we couldn't find three wise men or a virgin!"
The Houston Oilers.
You're in a room with Saddam Hussein, a lawyer, and a rattlesnake. The good
news is that you have your six-shooter at your side. The bad news is, you only
have two shots left. (Busy day.) What do you do? ==> Shoot the lawyer twice.
Some things you can't be too sure of.
You know how if you play heavy metal music backwards you get Satanic
messages? You know what you get if you play country western music backwards? You
get your wife back. You get your truck back. You get your dog back....(If you
play pop "Christian" music backwards you get Amway messages.)
Ross Perot's wife was upset at his running for President. If he had won, she
would have had to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
Oklahoma: a giant mobile home park to attract tornadoes away from the rest of
the country.
How do you know if you're a redneck? If your wife's hair-do was ever
destroyed by a ceiling fan. If you notice your family tree doesn't branch....
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